New Year's Resolutions

So once again I am going to join the masses and write out my new year's resolutions, full of optimism and hopefulness that I will be able to follow through and end up a better person in 2009. Forgive the cliches... I really do mean them. And for anyone who is actually reading this, please ask me if I am following through! I need some accountability. Here goes:

1. Exercise! I still look like I am pregnant, especially after I eat a big meal. I have a good stroller, I live near a walking park, our gym has childcare.... there are no excuses. I even have a bunch of home exercise equipment like little dumbells, etc. that I can use in the living room while Lucas is playing.

2. Eat better! I haven't been following the guidelines that I set with Betsy... no dairy products, no soy, less bread and packaged products, more veggies, less sugary products. It's just so hard because convenience foods are so easy, especially when I am busy with Lucas all day. And I need to be taking my vitamins and supplements regularly.

3. Figure out some way I can actually make money at home, and stick to it. I think I have concluded that the scrapbooking gig is more of a hobby thing than a money maker, which is fine b/c it is a lot of fun and a good way to get together with friends. I just need something else to make some money. I am taking over my mom's website so I will do my best to make that work to bring in a little money, but that will take a while to get started. I may need to find one other thing. Hopefully the right thing will come along.

4. Allow time for my creative side. I have been itching to learn adobe illustrator and photoshop. I want to create some of my own graphics and make some cute cards and things... I also want to sew and create some goodies for lucas and his friends. I want to learn to draw. How I will do all these things, I don't know, but I know they are good for my soul, so I need to make time.

5. Come up with a great financial plan. Ryan and I want to buy our house eventually, and we want to be debt free (or close to it) before we do so. We need to come up with and stick with a good plan to get us where we want to be.

Is there such a thing as bloggers block?

Is there a such thing as bloggers block? I've never had a problem writing, but for some reason the last couple weeks I have not been able to write. I've started a couple blogs and gotten half way through, and though, "this is stupid", so I deleted them. I think my thoughts are so scattered that I can't seem to arrange them into words and instead it turns into a jumbled mess... this is already a jumbled mess, but I'm still going. I think I'll change the subject.

I can't believe it's almost Christmas. I can't believe my son is almost one year old. He is running around the house, talking to me, and I am left wondering what happened to the sweet little baby I held in my arms just a few months back. Not that he isn't sweet now.... when he isn't running around he is giving me hugs and kisses with his arms wrapped around my neck. I love hugs from him. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and we will go to Ryan's parents house to celebrate, with lots of food and fun gifts for the kids. This year we opted to go all out for the kids instead of buying big gifts for us adults. We already have everything we need, and it's more fun to see the little ones playing with their new toys anyway. Christmas day we will go to my parents house to celebrate. Once again, delicious food and lots of spoiling for Lucas. He already got to peek at one of his gifts... a table and chair set just his size!

I feel so blessed to be surrounded by wonderful family and friends again this Christmas, and so happy to be able to share it with Lucas this time.

Thanksgiving Blessings

Thanksgiving this year was wonderful, and it made me remember everything I have to be thankful for. However, this year was unlike any Thanksgiving before.

As a kid I remember going to my grandma's house for thanksgiving, with my aunt, uncle, and cousins visiting from the bay area. We would watch "Home Alone" over and over again, walk to the park up the street to play, and enjoy a delicious meal. My favorite part was always the black olives.... I'd load them up on all ten fingers and eat them one at a time. My grandma always had an extra olive dish just for me.

The last few years as myself, my brother, and cousins grew older, we celebrated at my parents house with whoever was available to come. We transitioned to gluten free thanksgivings, as all other meals had become. We had fun with new recipes for stuffings and pies, and always had the delicious turkey and fun family time.

Then I married Ryan, and we started having 2 thanksgivings each year, one at each of our parents house. We spent half the day at one house eating a full turkey day meal, and then moved on to the next house to eat yet another full turkey day meal. We would leave stuffed, but happy to have had the time with our families.

Next came Lucas, and this year, a couple months before Thanksgiving I started thinking... I wanted Lucas to have a big Thanksgiving with everyone he loves. Just as I remember big happy family thanksgivings as a kid, I want to give him memories like that as well. So Ryan and I decided to join our families for a big Thanksgiving! Needless to say, it was a blast! We had so much fun with everyone together. Boys watching football, girls in the kitchen, kids playing in the living room with grandparents on their tails, music coming from down the hall once the instruments had been broken out, and most of all, lots of smiles, hugs, laughter, and good food.

I'm proud to say we pulled it off, with lots of help from our parents of course. I'm not embarrassed to admit I was freaking out about the

turkey (my first time cooking one) when my mom hadn't arrived when she said she would... Anyway, it was a wonderful experience, and I hope we can do it again in the future.

Here are some fun pictures...

The Jaeger family... (clockwise from the left) Ryan, Bill, Alan, Kylan, Kelly (and Alek), Patti, Sylvia, Me, and Lucas

The Malmin/Weber family... (clockwise from top left)... Ryan, Dave, Andy, Kevin, Brian, Jenny, Elle, Judith, Barbara with Lucas, Suzanne, Matt, and Sam lower center.

No Sew Tie Blanket

I am so proud of the blankets I made today! One for Lucas for his birthday, and one for soon to be baby Alek, Luke's cousin... These were so easy and fun! The only annoying thing was that Joan Fabrics sale signs were misleading, so I ended up spending a lot more than I planned.... lesson learned.

Here are the instructions for anyone interested...

You will need 2 yards of fleece material each for the front and back of the blanket.
You can choose two solids, or mix it up with one solid and one print.
Lay your material on top of each other making sure it is lined up perfectly, you may even use pins to secure it but pin the material away from the edges at least 4 inches.
Once your material is lined up cut out a 4x4 inch square from all four corners of the fleece material.
Now you will begin cutting around the edge of the material. Use your thumb as a guide and cut lines the width of your thumb and then up 3 inches-4 inches. Make sure the cuts are even around the entire edge.
Once this is done begin Knotting the material. On the corners do not, knot the material too tightly. You will be tying the material from the front to the piece in the back. This will create a neat, knotted fray around the entire blanket. If you use a buddy it will take you about 30 minutes to do one blanket .
If you used pins to secure the material together, remove them. When you are done you can roll this up and it looks really neat with the different colors. You can even wrap with a bow or leftover material.

May you be happy and peaceful

Something Nancy taught me on Thursday, and I love it so much it is going to be with me every day. I hope I got the words right...

May you be happy and peaceful

May you be healthy and strong

May you be safe from harm

May you move through the world with ease.

May I be happy and peaceful

May I be healthy and strong

May I be safe from harm

May I move through the world with ease.

Repeat this to yourself daily, in the car, in the shower, before you go to sleep, any time you need to calm yourself and bring yourself to a place of peace. Feel your breath flowing in and out of your body as you say these words. Feel how alive you are. Find yourself in awe of your body and and how beautiful it is, how beautiful life is.

Letter to Lucas

Lucas,

I want to tell you what I love about you! I love your spirit, your beautiful personality, that little spark in your eye that seems so mischevious. I love that devilish smile you flash at me just before you tear across the room for your favorite toy. I love your deep belly laugh that radiates so much pure, utter, happieness. I love to watch you explore new things, you are amazed and infatuated by life and everything around you. I see joy on your face when you spot our dog or cat, or any animal for that matter. I know you are pure and good in your heart. I love how you can make me smile on the worst day, just by looking in my eyes. You make me laugh when you stare right at my face and then grab my glasses off before I have the chance to stop you. You are beautiful and perfect and I am so proud to be your mom. Your personality is amazing to me. You are curious, strong willed, determined, happy, shy, and you wear your heart on your sleeve. You are uninhibited. You have a killer smile, you are going to be a handsome man someday, I can tell already. Your hair makes me laugh too! It is so curly and long and out of control. It is free spirited, just like you. You have such a happy personality and I never want that to change. I love you, I love you, I love you.

I want to tell you some things... give you some motherly advice. First of all, this may sound cliched, but try as hard as you can to always be yourself. Don't be shy to show people who you really are. Stand up for your opinions and your own thoughts because they are not wrong. They are what make you, you. Second, do not judge other people. You will make the best friends, meet the most interesting people, and learn so much if you are open and non judgemental in your relationships. I have so many hopes for you... that you find what you love to do, that you meet someone wonderful and fall in love, that you have your own beautiful children someday, that you have every opportunity to see and experience the world. I also hope that you learn to see the beauty in everything - in small and simple things. I hope that you know faith, and that you find a spirituality that you are comfortable with. I hope that you can take what your dad and I teach you and take it in your own heart, and grow with it for a lifetme. I hope that you know how much we love you, and always will love you no matter what you choose to do or who you choose to be.

I want to tell you how much you mean to me Lucas. You have changed my life. I am so proud to be your mom. I don't know what I used to do with my life before you came into it. You have shown me what really matters in this world. Happiness is family, love, and the experences we share together. It is not material, not found in money or posessions, status or popularity. It is in being true, being me, being you. I want nothing but the best for you... the best life, the best opportunities, the best experiences, and I will do everything in my power to give you everything you deserve. I can't wait for the years of experiences with you Lucas.

Love and hugs,
Mom

Mother’s Day Meaning

My mom gave me a gift years ago, a little wall hook that said, “You’ll never know how much your mother loves you”. It has moved with me from my first apartment, to all the homes I’ve had with Ryan. It was always special to me, but of course I didn’t fully understand what it meant, or what it must have meant to her. Today, it has a different meaning to me, and I’m sure I’ve just barely scratched the surface of beginning to understand and feel a mother’s love.
When Lucas was born, I loved him immediately, the first cry, the first time I looked in his eyes, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, hearing, and feeling. But every day that love has grown stronger and stronger and so many times I feel like I can’t even describe with words how much I love him. Who can understand this, other than another mother? My mom can, and this year, I have a new, different appreciation for my mom, a new understanding of what we are celebrating on mother’s day, and a deeper feeling of love than I’ve ever felt in my life. I think I may put that little sign in Luke’s room someday, and hope that he will come close to knowing how beautiful he is to me, how he gave new meaning to my life, and how much I have and will always love him.