On Mothering

Every night when I rock Nathan to sleep, I look at his sweet face and think how lucky I am.  To be a mom.  His mom.  I savor the moment, knowing it won't be long before he doesn't need me to rock him anymore.  As I sit there, not wanting to put him down in his crib, I think about my mom rocking me when I was an infant, and Ryan's mom rocking him.  I think of all of the mothers before them, how they have molded and shaped our lives today by the choices they made for their children.  By the love they gave them.  I think of my mom, who lost her mother when she was only five years old and how hard it must have been to grow up without her.  I think of Ryan's grandmother who we lost only days ago, and the legacy she left behind to her sons and grandchildren.  I think of my grandma, and how lucky I am to have her so close.  Most of all, I think of Lucas and Nathan.  I think of all the choices I have made for them, all of the things we've said and done that day.  I think about their futures.  I think about everything I want to teach them, everything I want to show them.  I hope and I pray that they always have everything they need, and that Ryan and I are always able to give it to them. 

The day Lucas entered this world I became a mother.  Physically.  And emotionally.  The maternal instinct just clicked on and has only gotten stronger every day since.  This is not to say though, that I always know the answer or always know the "right" thing to do.  I'm far from perfect.  But I love my boys more than anything.  To say I would do anything for them is an understatement.  I would fly to the moon for them.  I would swim across the ocean.  I would kiss every owie, dry every tear, praise every success, and always be there when they need me.  Don't ask me how I'll do it.  I just will.  That's just what mothers do. 

On this Mother's Day, 2010, I want to say Thank You to my mom, and all the other wonderful mothers in my life.  My grandma.  My mom-in-law.  My aunts.  My friends.   You are all amazing.  And  now that I think about it, all you Dads are pretty amazing too, for putting up with us when we go a little crazy now and then, for taking the kids out when we need a break, and for making us mothers in the first place.  Mothering is a beautiful thing.  I am SO very thankful that I am a mom, and I can't wait to spend tomorrow celebrating that.   Happy Mother's Day to all of you wonderful Moms.  I hope you have a beautiful day!

No One is Perfect, But You are a Perfect Mother

My mom is on of my biggest fans.  She read my blog post today, and then on the phone told me that I was a perfect mother.  No one is perfect she said, but you are still a perfect mother.  The critical side of me winced as a dozen "unperfect" actions from today alone flew through my mind.  I am not perfect, I thought.  Far, far from it. 

Then, I told her, you were a perfect mother too.  Funny thing though, I don't think she believed me.  But I meant it.  Every thing she did, any mistake that she thought she made, every decision, every choice; they all shaped the experiences I had, and made me who I am today.  I would not change any of it.  Not one little bit. 

See, I've learned two very important things since I have become a mom.
 
1. Your mother loves you VERY, very much.  More than you can ever possibly imagine.  She wants only the best for you.  She would do anything for you.  You mean everything to her. 

2. Motherhood is crazy. It makes us a little looney, short tempered, and grumpy.  It is hard.  Very hard.  It tries our patience every second of every day.  Sometimes we want to run screaming in the opposite direction of our children.  Sometimes we throw a pot of mashed potatoes on the floor.   Sometimes we just have to scream. 

So, I know my mom did everything she could for me.  I know she, along with my dad, raised me to the best of their ability.  Any arguments we had or struggles we endured were there only because she cared about me and wanted the best for me.  Even when she fired me.  Even when I quit.  Even when she fired me again.  Or when I quit again.  Or locked me outside.  Or when I got out of the car in the middle of traffic.  I could go on...  but I'll just say...

Thanks, Mom.  For putting up with me all those years.  For loving me even when I was a teenager.  For not running screaming in the other direction.  For always being there for me.  For being my biggest fan.  And for being my best best girlfriend.  I love you so much.  You are a perfect mom no matter what you say, because you have always loved me.  I only hope I can be as spectacular a mom to my boys as you have been to me. 

Love,
Suzanne