Tuesday, January 1, 2008

blog for lucas - December '07

In all this anticipation of lucas's arrival I wanted to stop and think about my experience of being prenant. I am actually going to miss being pregnant. I have really, really enjoyed the experience of carrying him in my belly for 9 months. I feel honored and blessed to have had this experience of creating another human being, my son. Whenever I think about it I am truly amazed. Ryan and i created this little boy, this little baby, that is fully developed and now ready to come out and experience the world. He will start out a helpless baby, become a curious child, and develop into a self sufficient adult that will make his own impact on the world in his own way. We created actual life, we are contributing to this world, to society, to Ventura, to the spiruitual world that encompasses all our experiences and relationships.
My favorite things about being pregnant have been:
Feeling lucas in my tummy, when he tickles me or suprises me, when he gets the hiccups or gets really playful and active. I have loved sharing that experience with Ryan, letting him get to feel him moving too. I've loved hearing friends, family, and strangers tell their stories and wish me and my family luck. I've loved learning all the toys and supplies we're going to need to take care of him, and I'm so excited for being a mother.
Moments I remember most - the first ultrasound where we saw his heartbeat. I was so nervous up to that point that there might be something wrong or I might not really be pregnant. When we had it confirmed on there that he was inside me and growing as he should be, I was overwhelmed and excited, anicipating the rest of the pregnancy journey. It has been wonderful to see how excited our families are to welcome this little boy into the world. The amount of time and love and energy they have put into helping Ryan and I during this time, giving gifts, celebrating with showers, and thier pure and utter excitement for this new chapter in ours and their lives is amazing. I feel like we are not only bringing a son into the world, but also bringing a gift to our parents to enjoy and share and love. I'm looking forward to all the experiences we will have with our baby and them as well.
What else have I loved.... I have loved and feel so greatful for all that Ryan has done for me during this time. In my first trimester, when I was so sick and practically bedridden, he took such good care of me. He made me breakfast and dinner, picked up whatever food I felt like I could eat, made me eat so that I would feel better. He made me tea, got me club soda at midnight, canceled his plans and came home from work to take care of me, and took interest in everything I needed to talk about. The hormones were not fun during those early weeks and he did everything he could for me, didn't complain, read his pregnancy books to try and help me out and understand me, and did everything he could. He made me feel so much better, and that time was bearable because I had him to take care of me. Throughout the rest of the pregnancy he has been so supportive, taking interest in everything from decorating the nursery to making a plaster cast of my belly. He is looking forward to being a father, and I know he is going to be great. He has so much love and excitement for this little boy that it amazes me. When I see him with his little nephew, who is now 6 months old, holding him, changing his diaper, playing with him, I can only imagine how highly involved he will be in Lucas's life. I'm looking so forward to us being a family together.
During this pregnancy we have made some pretty big changes. Ryan took on a new job with much, much more responsibility and involvement that he has ever had before. We moved out of our living situation at Ryan's parents guest house and into our own apartment. I feel like we've finally become adults, on our own, with good jobs, and starting a family. I am so happy with our life together right now.
I'm most looking forward to figuring out how we're going to be as a family of three. With me planning to stay home I hope that I can take care of most of the household chores and errrands during the time when Ryan is at work, and that we can use our evenings and weekends for family time, spending time with lucas, going to parks or the beach with him and ruffy, spending time with our families, or just hanging out at home together. I want us to let lucas experience how we like to live, and not necessarily change our activities becase we have him, but bring him along with us to our favorite hang out spots, to see our friends, etc. I'm hoping to do things like hiking and bike riding and walking and going shopping with him there too. And staying home to play together or going to the pool or taking him to a lake or the dog park or disneyland or shabu shabu. I can't wait to take him to hawaii!

So anyway, i think i've digressed. I just wanted to say, I'm going to miss being pregnant. I have really enjoyed it, and I have been very fortunate to have it go so smoothly. I haven't had many problems - no crazy swelling, very little back pain or braxton hicks pain or other pain of any kind. I've gained weight only in my belly, not my bottom or my face or my hips or thighs, which is where most girls end up with extra weight. I really just gained it in my belly. My biggest problem has been my stomach - nausea in the begining and some issues throughout so that I haven't been able to take the vitamins as much as I would have liked to. but i did the best i could, and I've eaten as well as I could.

Lucas, I can't wait for you to come out so I can meet you. I will miss having you in my belly, but it is going to be wonderful to have you in my arms!

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