It's been a whirlwind of a week. Seriously. I have yelled. cheered. and cried. I sat in the pediatrician's office, listening to words like "curable", "recovery rate", "leukemia", "blood diseases", not believing I was really there, wanting to just fast forward to the next day. I have hugged my kids more than ever before. I have been more thankful for my family, our health, and our parents living nearby, than I have ever been before. I have talked to the doctor after hours more often than I ever care to again. I watched my brave, brave little guy have his blood drawn, surrounded by the staff at VCMC who wanted to give "Diego's" grandson special treatment. And I felt the most wonderful wave of relief upon hearing the results of those tests. NORMAL.
All because of a rash. A rash that has shown up three times in three weeks. A rash that when googled, is the only one that brings up the words "life threatening", and "requires immediate treatment". A rash that we still don't have an answer for. And call me crazy, but I just don't like hearing multiple doctors say "I've just never seen this before". BUT, the dangerous causes have been ruled out. There is likely nothing really wrong. We will wait to hear what the specialists say next week.
After all of that, we are all just really ready for the weekend. I've had my dose of worry and stress for the week. For the year actually. I know that as a parent, there are going to be a lot of times when I'm going to worry. And I know that what we experienced this week is nothing even remotely compared to what parents of kids with life threatening diseases have to deal with on a daily basis. But as a mother, you never want to hear those words cross the doctors lips when they are talking about your child. I feel like I learned something this week. About myself. About being a mom. And about my kids. I also think that I appreciate and love my precious boys even more, if that is even possible.
Hope you all have a happy weekend. I might be scarce on here for awhile. Spending a little more time with my kiddos.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Every night when I rock Nathan to sleep, I look at his sweet face and think how lucky I am. To be a mom. His mom. I savor the moment, knowing it won't be long before he doesn't need me to rock him anymore. As I sit there, not wanting to put him down in his crib, I think about my mom rocking me when I was an infant, and Ryan's mom rocking him. I think of all of the mothers before them, how they have molded and shaped our lives today by the choices they made for their children. By the love they gave them. I think of my mom, who lost her mother when she was only five years old and how hard it must have been to grow up without her. I think of Ryan's grandmother who we lost only days ago, and the legacy she left behind to her sons and grandchildren. I think of my grandma, and how lucky I am to have her so close. Most of all, I think of Lucas and Nathan. I think of all the choices I have made for them, all of the things we've said and done that day. I think about their futures. I think about everything I want to teach them, everything I want to show them. I hope and I pray that they always have everything they need, and that Ryan and I are always able to give it to them.
The day Lucas entered this world I became a mother. Physically. And emotionally. The maternal instinct just clicked on and has only gotten stronger every day since. This is not to say though, that I always know the answer or always know the "right" thing to do. I'm far from perfect. But I love my boys more than anything. To say I would do anything for them is an understatement. I would fly to the moon for them. I would swim across the ocean. I would kiss every owie, dry every tear, praise every success, and always be there when they need me. Don't ask me how I'll do it. I just will. That's just what mothers do.
On this Mother's Day, 2010, I want to say Thank You to my mom, and all the other wonderful mothers in my life. My grandma. My mom-in-law. My aunts. My friends. You are all amazing. And now that I think about it, all you Dads are pretty amazing too, for putting up with us when we go a little crazy now and then, for taking the kids out when we need a break, and for making us mothers in the first place. Mothering is a beautiful thing. I am SO very thankful that I am a mom, and I can't wait to spend tomorrow celebrating that. Happy Mother's Day to all of you wonderful Moms. I hope you have a beautiful day!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
So the last couple days have been a bit insane.
And a bit annoying. And the week is just getting started.
I'm trying to see the humor in the tantrums, mis-recorded doctor appointments, out of stock pharmacies, and two different rashes that have popped up on each of the boys. Tomorrow I'll call the pediatrician, cancel my own appointment, go to the pharmacy again, and make a sticker reward chart for my terrific two year old. And do laundry. And clean up today's dishes and toys that I'm currently ignoring. But where was I. Oh yes. Humor. Ha!
Amidst the craziness I have been playing with my new iphone camera app - Hipstamatic. It is SO addicting. Here is a little bit of the fun we've had in the last couple days. (FYI, there are thirty something photos... to see all of them, click the link at the bottom of this post)
Sunday, May 2, 2010
It's going to be a busy week.
Mile high To-Do list.
I'd like to just go back to the weekend. The nice, leisurely weekend we had together as a family.
We planted our garden. We took a walk. We drank iced tea and played with the kiddos.
Back to reality. And last weeks list. I intended to make a lot of things, but ended up with just a few. Besides the backpack, I made these...
Pj's for Lucas. The shirt was made from one of my old Gap long sleeve shirts, and pants from a soft mens polo.
I'm working on perfecting the neck. I have a long way to go.
Also made these pj pants, out of a pair of yoga pants that were headed to Goodwill.