37 weeks

We are 37 weeks today. I can't believe how the time has flown by! Where has this pregnancy gone? Today Nathan is considered full term. He can be born any time now and should be able to function perfectly in our great big world. Now, the waiting begins. Ryan and I are so excited to meet him. I can't wait to see his little face, to hear his little voice, to count his little fingers and toes. I can't wait to introduce him to his big brother, his grandparents, and all our friends. This little guy is going to make us a real family of four.

He is going to be lucky as the second child. This time we know more of what we are doing, we won't be quite so clueless, he won't be as much of an experiment in parenting. Hopefully we'll remember the tricks that worked with Lucas and we'll be a little more confident this time around.

I have noticed lately, with my giant protruding belly, that I have a bit more respect in the mom community. Other moms I barely know or don't even know at all are asking me for advice, like I know what I'm doing or something. They see me leading Lucas by the hand as I waddle into his gym class or the grocery store and for some reason they think I have the answer to parenthood. It is the strangest thing, because I still feel like I have to clue what I'm doing. I wonder every day if I am making the right choices for Lucas. I am doing the best I can, and I hope that is good enough. I do remember though, when I was pregnant with Lucas, seeing other moms out in public, wondering how they do it. I'd see moms of two or three and admire them, thinking about what it would be like to be in their situation. Now I am, and it's so surreal!

A lot of moms of one child lately have been asking me how I knew I was ready to have another baby. They wonder how I am going to do it with two boys. I can see in their faces that they are thinking about it, but they are hesitant and a bit scared. Well, the truth is I didn't feel ready yet, but I felt this twinge in my heart, this little hormonal tug that told me it was time. It wasn't common sense or planning, it was my heart, and Ryan's too. We both wanted this, whether we were ready or not and so this surprise pregnancy was in fact a surprise, and not planned at all, but it wasn't an accident. It was what we wanted. And the truth is that I have no clue how I'm going to do it. I am entering into a very challenging time of my life, especially staying home full time. I won't have an outlet or an escape into the adult world except for at playdates, conversations with Ryan or my mom, and maybe a weekly trip to the grocery store if I'm lucky. But I know it's coming this time. I remember the challenges and I know they can only be greater when there are two little ones tugging on my arms and crying when they need something. But at the same time, that is the most wonderful part of this whole situation. There will be TWO little ones. Two sets of little eyes and two little voices calling me Mama, two hugs at bedtime, two hands to hold, and two perfect little people that Ryan and I made and are raising in our family. It just doesn't get much better than that.