A Zen Like Attitude about Food

My apologies to anyone reading this blog on a regular basis... I have been writing a lot of random crap lately, a little too much whining and too much personal stuff.. Maybe its the hormones, always making me think. I'll try to do better. Well, after tonight. If you are sick of my rambling, just go ahead and skip this one!

I have been struggling lately, with following my restricted diet. I have no problem following the gluten free diet. However, I am not supposed to be eating dairy and soy, and I am NOT behaving in that category. I've been thinking, "I'm pregnant, I can eat what I want, when I want, if it makes me feel better at the time." So, I'm eating so much dairy - frozen yogurt, cheese on everything, everything I am not supposed to do. I'm drinking chocolate soy milk cause we have it in the house and it looks good. It is ridiculous! It all tastes delicious at the time, and with my finicky appetite lately I've just been eating what I can. But later, when I start feeling even worse, I wonder if I'm feeling worse because of what I ate earlier.

I was reading Karina's Kitchen awhile back, and she said something about trying to have a zen-like attitude about her food. That really stuck with me. I really want and need that. I need to not be upset at the foods I cannot eat. I really just need to be at peace with it. I need to not want those foods anymore. I need to separate from them. But I don't know how to do it exactly. I've been doing it for 10 years with gluten. Why can't I do it with the rest of the foods? In some ways I think it is harder, because I already had so many foods taken away from me when I found out about celiac disease. I feel like that is such a huge restriction, it's not fair to have even more restrictions on top of that. Maybe it's because I don't get instantly sick from eating them, like I do when I eat gluten. Maybe it's because I don't want to stick out even more in social situations by telling people I am allergic to pretty much everything that exists. Who knows what it is, it's probably a combo of a lot of things. One thing is for sure though, I need to come up with a way to deal with it. I am going to have a zen like attitude about it! (ha! we'll see...)

Overhaul in the near future?

I feel like I need to overhaul my life. or myself. no, my life. What I mean is, it has been nearly a year since I had a haircut, two years since I got new glasses, months since I had a pedicure... you get the picture. I hope I don't sound too spoiled here, but for me these are longer periods of time than should be allowed. I need new clothes too, maternity pants mostly, since I don't think the whole world wants to see me in my sweat pants on a daily basis.

I feel like I am trying to do too many things, trying to concentrate on too many areas and it is actually impossible to be able to carry out everything I want to do. From blogging to meal planning and coupon clipping, to trying to survive daily laundry and cleaning and lucas, not to mention the lack of energy I have due to this nearly 12 week old little being inside of me. In addition to all that I want to get out, to see my friends, to laugh and commiserate.

And don't forget the fact that I am a wife. I miss my husband. I would like to go out on a date, and have an actual conversation with him - something that doesn't involve what we are watching on tv tonight or what's for dinner or how Lucas napped today.

So, I am not really sure where I am going with all of this right now... I think I just needed to unload my brain. It is swimming with way too many thoughts these days and I don't have the energy to keep up with it. In some ways this is a good thing. I mean, I am excited about so many things. I love challenges. I want to spend time on all of these things, but I just can't fit them all in!

In a perfect world, I would exercise 4 days a week, cook a healthy dinner 6 days a week, go out with my husband once a week, compile all my errands/shopping into one day a week, clean the house and do laundry only once a week, buy all my food and toiletries on sale and with coupons, feed my kids all organic food, make my own cloth diapers, go on at least 2-3 play dates a week, have time to write every day, plan family outings every weekend, and not be frazzled and exhausted at the end of every single day.

Is this why I'm stressed out? I want SO badly to be this organized, to BE this person that can do everything. However, I am living real life. I have a messy house, I call my husband at least 2-3 nights a week to bring home dinner. My exercise consists of chasing lucas at the park and wrestling him during diaper changes. My laundry sits in piles for a week at a time and the whole family wears wrinkled clothes, I run to the store at least 3 times a week, and we contribute tons of disposable diapers to the landfills. I am human!

Even though I tell myself all of this, I still want to be that person, and I'm still going to try. So I don't think I've solved anything here, other than realizing that I am going to keep trying to do it all so I better get used to being tired and having a wild and crazy swimming brain. bleh! I wouldn't be me if I weren't trying and hoping to eventually be the "perfect" me.

Whatever happened to the meal planning adventure?

So I was taking the online meal planning course.... downloaded it and following the lesson plan. I was trying really hard, and I was motivated. But... I couldn't take it anymore.

This poor, poor girl, the one who created the whole thing.... I think she is living in another world. I just sort of laughed to myself when she said to ask your husband what he likes to eat, and menu plan with those dishes. I figured, eh, I'll do that, and I'll include some dishes for him, but I'm also going to include some dishes for me. Then, it got worse. Once we got into the couponing part, I couldn't keep reading.

First of all, she instructed everyone to (and I am paraphrasing here) ask your husband before you start to devote time to couponing. Make sure that he wants you to be spending your time this way, make sure what you are doing honors him... Maybe he doesn't want you to lower your food budget, maybe he wants you to spend your time in other ways...

So, what I've learned is that this woman really does live in another universe. She actually lives in Kansas, and well, maybe this is normal for Kansas, but it is not normal in my realm of the world. That night, I tried to keep a straight face, and I "asked Ryan if he would like me to spend my time couponing"... I was laughing before I finished talking, and I explained to him what I had been reading. He was as appalled as I was!

Now, don't get me wrong, I love my husband and I want to make him happy, and honor him always... but this does not mean that I am treating him like the almighty god of our household. I have a life, and an opinion of my own. We actually have a marriage where we feel we are each other's equals. I feel sorry for this poor woman who lives her life this way. But, she seems happy, so to each his own, I suppose.

Anyway, I am taking away a bit of meal planning skills, but I think I'm going to learn my couponing skills elsewhere...

Mmmm... Bananas!

There is an obvious progression during pregnancy... from complete and utter disgust and avoidance of food... to total obsession with eating. Though I still feel sick, I am having more and more HUNGRY moments. I am thinking about food all the time. I am stopping at every fast food place I see, for french fries, or a milk shake...

(Hold on... I need to text Ryan and request a milkshake and fries on his way home... Okay, done!)

I am reading recipes and watching Rachel Ray again. AND, I am cooking... AND baking! Today, I bought cornmeal, several flours, fresh baking soda and baking powder, and will be mixing up my own gluten free flour blend for all purpose baking. I'm going to a "banana" brunch playdate tomorrow and I've been thinking about bananas all week... banana bread, mmmmnn. I made banana pudding today, and I'm going to top it with whipped cream and banana slices in the morning to take to the park.

So, just letting everyone know now... there will probably be a lot more posts about food in the next 6 1/2 months...

Crock Pot Lentil Soup

I haven't used my crock pot in about 4 years. I don't know why, but I'm usually a quick cooking type of girl. But lately, I've been in the mood to try it.
This morning, I pulled it out, chopped up some onions (3 small), carrots (handful of baby size), and ham (about a cup), and threw them in the pot with a pound of lentils and 2 1/2 quarts of water. A little salt, pepper, and minced garlic, and I was done. It's now in the garage (yep, garage... I have to stay away from the smell or I won't be able to eat it by dinner time), cooking away. In a little bit I'm going to throw in some spinach and chopped tomatoes... I hope it turns out well! Ryan was excited to hear he was going to have a home cooked dinner tonight... YUM!

A little whining, and update stuff

Have you ever seen those antidepressant commercials where the depressed person is sitting on the couch with a blank stare, and the dog is sitting nearby with his leash in his mouth, or the kids are watching sadly from the side? The narration says "Depression Hurts... (fill in the blank medication) Can Help..." Well, I kind of feel like that these days, only it's not depression that is plaguing me. My phrase should be "First Trimester Hurts... Only Time Can Help". I seriously sat on the couch for 2/3 of the day today. Lucas and I made it out for an errand in the morning, and an errand in the afternoon (which is a record since I've been staying home pretty much every day) and the rest of the day I could barely move. The poor little guy was getting so frustrated with me, because when I tried to get up and entertain him, my body felt like it weighed about a thousand pounds and I sank back into the couch.

I am officially nine weeks and a couple days along. I am getting closer and closer to that dreamland that is the second trimester.... please come soon happy days, please! I don't want to compare my life to a sad commercial anymore!

So just an update since I haven't written in a week... I had to postpone the GM blog again - Surprise! Every night I try to sit down and work on the last few things I need to do, and I am either too nauseous or too tired to look at my computer and try to use my brain. It is taking much longer than I thought, and I want it to be GREAT, so I am giving myself more time... as of now, two more weeks. Next week I'll start posting daily, and the following week I will start the Giveaway Week. If anyone is interested in being a test subscriber for me for next week, let me know, I would appreciate feedback from you!