I feel like I need to overhaul my life. or myself. no, my life. What I mean is, it has been nearly a year since I had a haircut, two years since I got new glasses, months since I had a pedicure... you get the picture. I hope I don't sound too spoiled here, but for me these are longer periods of time than should be allowed. I need new clothes too, maternity pants mostly, since I don't think the whole world wants to see me in my sweat pants on a daily basis.
I feel like I am trying to do too many things, trying to concentrate on too many areas and it is actually impossible to be able to carry out everything I want to do. From blogging to meal planning and coupon clipping, to trying to survive daily laundry and cleaning and lucas, not to mention the lack of energy I have due to this nearly 12 week old little being inside of me. In addition to all that I want to get out, to see my friends, to laugh and commiserate.
And don't forget the fact that I am a wife. I miss my husband. I would like to go out on a date, and have an actual conversation with him - something that doesn't involve what we are watching on tv tonight or what's for dinner or how Lucas napped today.
So, I am not really sure where I am going with all of this right now... I think I just needed to unload my brain. It is swimming with way too many thoughts these days and I don't have the energy to keep up with it. In some ways this is a good thing. I mean, I am excited about so many things. I love challenges. I want to spend time on all of these things, but I just can't fit them all in!
In a perfect world, I would exercise 4 days a week, cook a healthy dinner 6 days a week, go out with my husband once a week, compile all my errands/shopping into one day a week, clean the house and do laundry only once a week, buy all my food and toiletries on sale and with coupons, feed my kids all organic food, make my own cloth diapers, go on at least 2-3 play dates a week, have time to write every day, plan family outings every weekend, and not be frazzled and exhausted at the end of every single day.
Is this why I'm stressed out? I want SO badly to be this organized, to BE this person that can do everything. However, I am living real life. I have a messy house, I call my husband at least 2-3 nights a week to bring home dinner. My exercise consists of chasing lucas at the park and wrestling him during diaper changes. My laundry sits in piles for a week at a time and the whole family wears wrinkled clothes, I run to the store at least 3 times a week, and we contribute tons of disposable diapers to the landfills. I am human!
Even though I tell myself all of this, I still want to be that person, and I'm still going to try. So I don't think I've solved anything here, other than realizing that I am going to keep trying to do it all so I better get used to being tired and having a wild and crazy swimming brain. bleh! I wouldn't be me if I weren't trying and hoping to eventually be the "perfect" me.