Monday, February 9, 2009

Didn't know I was gone till I came back

I've been gone for about a week. Not physically gone, but mentally checked out. I was losing control of my self, being consumed by my negative emotions, frustrated with my physical sense of non well-being. I was getting so wrapped up in my own head that I was unable to see, hear, and feel what normally inspires me on a daily basis. Well, I'm back... at least for now. I got a reality check today, thrown back into the world. My, how I have missed the world. Somehow, just putting on nice clothes (something a step up from my normal "mom" attire) and getting out to be with intelligent, educated, and driven people with a common interest was enough to turn my frown upside down.

Today I had the opportunity to join my Grandma Ann, my cousin Elle, and many other wonderful writers and published authors for a fun luncheon. The speakers were amazing to listen to. Hearing their stories of how they wrote their books, what inspired them, the passion in their voices made me remember why I write. I am not trying to write a book, and I don't know if I ever will, but I do know that writing is in my blood. It is in my heart and it is a very big part of what makes me, me.

Being a mom is rewarding and challenging, day in and day out. And somehow in all the focus and concentration I put towards this very serious job, I forget what it feels like to challenge my own brain with something other than toddler games. I miss learning, I miss talking to adults, I miss camaraderie. I miss my old coworkers and the freedom I had as a working adult.

I don't know that I am going to be able to find a replacement for this emptiness any time soon, but hopefully I can continue to have opportunities to get out on occasion and get inspired, situations where I am not just Lucas's mom, but Suzanne.... the writer, the photographer, the scrapbooker, the market researcher... etc. In the meantime, I write here... for whoever may be interested in reading. And if you are reading, Thank You!

1 comment:

  1. Suzanne, I think it is natural that this happens when you have a child because you love them sooo much, you wrap your whole world around them. I am happy to hear that you are connecting with "yourself" :)!! I feel it is so important that we women never ever loose that. You are strong young woman and you are going to be more than fine :) Lots of love, Renee


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